Squash Stack Studio

Being the adventures of Jack, Hans, Ivan, Cecilia, Wendigo, and Skitterybones, aka The Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad.

The adventures of the Tiny Suicide Squad were the subject of an Instagram account the Studio ran in 2015 – 2016. The account is gone from Instagram now, but we wanted to share some highlights in a new way.

Introductions

Editor’s Note: a few readers have written in requesting more formal and thorough introductions to the cast of Tiny Suicide Squad. We humbly apologize for the oversight. Here follows introductions to the principal performers in our little pageant, including some insightful commentary on the players’ biographies and/or juicy bits of scandal as the editors see fit.

The Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad

Jack, Hans, and Ivan pose on the caravan path in the Lesser Bewilderness of Angst. This was five years before the formation of the Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad, when the boys were still in Force Recon and before Skitterybones joined the crew. Things had yet to get truly weird.

Backdrop: Cover art to Jack Vance’s novel City of the Chasch, by H.R. Van Dongen. DAW 1979.

Dogs of War. Cecilia and Wendigo race each other around the barracks at Camp Busted Nose.

While Jack takes aim, Cecilia whispers blood-soaked limericks in his ear. No one on the Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad rests well when Cecilia is feeling her muse.

The Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad poses together at Camp Busted Nose before heading out on their next adventure. This was just after the gamma emitter accident in the mess hall, which likely explains the ethereal radiance emitted by Skitterybones and the ubiquity of man-flies.

The Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad battles a Cyclops in the brassica forests that carpet the northern hemisphere of Venus.

It is a little known fact that dragons will sometimes eat vast quantities of silica-rich beach sand, and then poop out marbles. These piles of droppings can be excellent places to ambush other dragons and young dinosaurs attracted by the sparkly glass. In this scene we see Jack, Hans, and Ivan of the Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad capturing a young T-Rex to train as a hunting dog. On Cecilia’s advice they will name him Wendigo.

Backdrop: A painting by Squash Stack Studio alumni Brent K., entitled “Measureless Marches”.

Professor Geryon and His Experiments

This is Professor Geryon. He likes liquor. And guns.

Professor Geryon and two of his creations pose in the Hall of Togaed Spectres somewhere in the maze of caverns deep below Castle Hubris. It is a little-known fact that the Professor’s baldness is an affectation intended to emphasize the unusual size of his brain. The Professor manufactures his own depilatory cream, which has the unfortunate side effect of causing uncontrollable salivation. Nevertheless, the payoff is worthwhile.

Backdrop: The Doré Illustrations for Dante’s Divine Comedy, Plate 67: Cocytus – Traitors.

Thus far the man-flies have proven nothing but an annoyance. In the radioactive caverns below his laboratory, Professor Geryon attempts to train the recalcitrant creatures in the use of high-velocity antimuon detectors, but to little avail. Despite the Professor’s clearly issued commands and the extreme amplification of his bullhorn, the man-flies seem incapable of even the least feat of instrument calibration. Anticipating this failure, the Professor has also thought to bring along a high-calibre assault rifle.

Backdrop: The Doré Illustrations for Dante’s Divine Comedy, Plate 65: Ephialtes.

Professor Geryon’s Marvelous Engine of Misfortune produces four different shades of ill fortune, reanimates the dead, induces spasm and angst, shoots lasers and makes mediocre espresso.

Purple misfortune is the mildest shade and is of general utility, good for hexing cows, inflaming gout, and increasing the likelihood of stubbed toes, brown outs during the playoffs, and tax audits.

Red misfortune is the most targeted shade, being primarily suited for inflicting victims with poor financial decision-making skills. Excessive speculation in junk bonds, obsolete technology, and soon-to-be-condemned properties is a common side effect of exposure to red misfortune. Also causes dental caries.

Green misfortune is a common cause of pratfalls and other physical accidents, particularly the accidental striking of one’s thumb with a hammer while hanging pictures. Also associated with sneezing boogers onto one’s shirt in front of that pretty girl at the cinema ticket booth.

Blue misfortune is the rarest and deadliest shade and must be handled with care. Generally associated with economic collapse, international crises, spontaneous failure of jet fuselages, and sudden violent religious diaspora.

Rico Haircut and the Yowling Kittens

Meet Rico Haircut and the Yowling Kittens, the most popular folk-metal band of all time. Rico is a former scientific experiment, lead singer, lead guitar, and denim enthusiast. To his left is Lady Katarina; songwriter, vocals, bass, and part-time dominatrix. She also teaches at a surf camp for autistic baby elephants and volunteers at a clinic rehabilitating kittens born with perpetual grumpyface. We have seen her at her volunteer work. The scenes are poignant.

Meanwhile, her twin sister Kittyrina plays drums and collects medieval weapons. Here they are posing in front of a billboard advertising their debut roles in the film adaptation of Shaky Kane’s groundbreaking graphic novel Monster Truck. An influential reviewer described the film as “like a blob of mucus scraped from the brain of a zombie cheerleader and spread over the lens of a kaleidoscope.” The band take this as high praise.

Backdrop: Monster Truck by Shaky Kane, page 20.

Rico Haircut and Lady Katarina push their way through a mob of Sasquatch paparazzi. The camera flash off their bling is dazzling. 💎✨🌟

This particular scene is from Professor Geryon’s eleventieth birthday party, when his minions surprised him with a private Rico Haircut concert in the bowels of his subterranean laboratory. How the paparazzi managed to follow Rico and Lady Katarina literally into Hell is a testament to their tenacity. When the asteroid comes it’ll just be them and the cockroaches left standing.

Backdrop: The Doré Illustrations for Dante’s Divine Comedy, Plate 43: Paramours and Flatterers.

Beelzebufa Snark and Fumarole

Beelzebufa Snark, her cat Fumarole, and a hapless traveler pose outside the witch’s home in Bellbottom Swamp. The water of the Bellbottom, in addition to its questionable green hue, has an odd effect on the local flora. Some scholars (those few who survived to publish) speculate that there is in fact no flora in Bellbottom Swamp, only fauna . . .. Beelzebufa’s hobbies include knitting, riding on her broomstick, and foraging the local pitcher plants for half-drowned acid-soaked giant insects to snack on. She occasionally visits her sister Gremoria in the capital, but such expeditions always wind up feeling a little too “Country Mouse, City Mouse” for either sister’s tastes.

Gremoria, the Ninth Countess of Gruel

Gremoria, the ninth Countess of Gruel, pauses to chastise her undead minions. The skeletal labor force is currently constructing an addition to the North Wing of the East Wing of her sprawling palace in the heart of Fastidious Gloom, the capital city of Gruel. This will be the ninth time this year Gremoria has raised taxes to finance her ever more elaborate construction. The peasants whose huts she had razed for the construction still clamor outside the gates of the palace, but she is certain they will see the value of their sacrifice when the work is done. Although the workers follow no blueprints, she imagines the finished palace, seen from above, will look something like a spider with a banana clenched in its pedipalps. This pleases her.

Backdrop: Cathedral by David Macaulay, page 41.

Captain Sturgeontrousers and Crew

Captain Sturgeontrousers and his crew pose inside Squidface’s Nauticall Pavilion of Wonder and Delight, in front of the huge glass wall of the aquarium. The zombie pirate and his crew visit here every time they make landfall; the Captain is particularly partial to the private viewing booths where, for a few pieces-of-eight, the mermaids can be induced to perversity. He is, however, displeased with the daguerreotypist, who he suspects of smirking in an insinuating manner.

Backdrop: The Deep-Sea Divers by Martin Handford, from The Great Waldo Search.

Hallux and Pollex, Journalists

Hallux and Pollex, twin brothers and journalists for the Gruel Daily Crier, scour the tangled forests carpeting the slopes of Mount Merkin in search of the elusive Bigfoot. Although they have braved dangers ranging from ticks the size of fava beans to editorial scorn, the brothers are confident that their big breakthrough is hiding just beyond the next fernbrake . . .

Backdrop: Art Forms in Nature by Ernst Haeckel. Plate 92: Tree Ferns.

The Ice Bears of Erectnipple Mountain

A rare image of the ice bears who wander the glaciers of Erectnipple Mountain far to the north of Gruel. It is a marvel that this photograph even exists, given that the photographer’s shutter finger froze and broke off not moments before the ice bears hove into view.

Backdrop: Astérix Chez Les Pictes by Jean-Yves Ferri and Didier Conrad, page 14.

Skitterybones

Many readers have written in requesting to know how Skitterybones, skeletal pirate and part-time concrete flatwork finisher, came to join the Dirt Cheap Suicide Squad. Click below to read the tale….