Squash Stack Studio

Okay, we’re back now, and I think my stomach has settled. I’ve heard from the judges that they’re throwing out Bout #2. That’s two attempts at having some actual fencing today, with no results.

Ah, here comes the referee, apparently sober. I guess we’re back in Bidness.

Wait a minute, an audience member has just thrown water in Referee Bidness’s face! It’s the mother of the young man with the foam sword! It sounds like she’s pretty upset that he exposed himself in front of her son. I guess I don’t blame her.

Barbara, you won’t believe this, she’s challenged Referee Bidness to a fencing bout! They’re off to change into gear right now. I’m not sure this is a good idea – Bidness is an expert with all three weapons.

Well, here they come – and I’ve been asked to ref for them!

Here we go! Fencers, en garde!

Ready – wait a minute! Barbara, a man in black has just leapt from the audience and vaulted the barriers around the trophies! He’s trying to steal them! Officer Barbara Gordon isn’t having it; she dives in and receives a kick to the face! There goes her hat and – her wig? That’s not her real hair! She’s wearing a hijab under the wig – Barbara, is that – can it be? My eyes must be deceiving me!

Referee Bidness throws her a saber and she lunges, taking down the thief with a powerful blow!

Here comes Security to lead the would-be thief away! Ma’am – I presume your name isn’t really Barbara Gordon – can you pose with us?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is renowned saber fencer Ibtihaj Muhammed! Here comes the rest of Hic et Nunc to join us for a truly remarkable moment! Barbara, it sounds like Muhammed has agreed to join Hic et Nunc and see them through the rest of the championship! Here comes a relief officer to guard the trophies against any further shenanigans!

Well, that was thrilling! It looks like the boy’s mom has forgotten her anger among all the excitement. Maybe now we can get to some serious fencing!