Squash Stack Studio

Barbara, we’re back for Bout 2 of Round 2 in this elimination event. I hope that this bout will be a little less … gruesome than the last. Our competitors this time will be Captain Sturgeontrousers of the pirate ship Wastrel representing the Necromites, and Sir Lancelot of Camelot. The combatants are on the en garde line … the referee cries “Fence!”

Sir Lancelot is off the line in a flash, and Captain Sturgeontrousers is hard-pressed to avoid his attack. The pirate captain is retreating, retreating; suddenly he takes Lancelot’s blade in a stunning reversal of right-of-way and the knight narrowly avoids the riposte!

It looks like Captain Sturgeontrousers is chanting and gesturing; Barbara, I think we’re about to see more magic! Oh my God, a smoldering crevice has opened on the fencing piste and dark slimy tentacles are reaching from it! Barbara, it’s a giant fiendish octopus, summoned by the undead pirate from its home in the flaming pit of Hell!

And now a second fiendish octopus has emerged; they’re wrapped around Sir Lancelot! I just heard his armor crack! They’re opening him up like an oyster! Barbara, this is too terrible to watch! Cut to commercial!