Squash Stack Studio

Well, let’s get started! First up is Bat-Urion facing off against Yana Shemyakina of Ukraine. Looks like Referee Bidness is still working on his martini – that doesn’t seem in line with League rules, Barbara.

Okay, we’re about to – wait a minute. There’s a commotion in the audience; it looks like a young man has dropped his triple-decker ice cream. This is the young fellow who pretended to be Hornyhat Clanggenbanggen during Elimination Round 3 yesterday.

Here comes the janitor comes to clean it up.

Okay, here we go – wait a minute! More commotion from the stands! There’s a bunch of … stray dogs in the hall? They’re fighting over the ice cream.

Here comes Animal Control to round them up!

Good Lord, let’s try this again. Okay, the fencers on the on the en garde line. Referee Bidness still has his martini; that’s concerning.

The ref cries “Fence!” and Shemyakina is off the line with a strong cut to five, now Bat-Urion parries and ripostes; Shemyakina catches it on her guard and – wait a minute! Referee Bidness is just wandering off! He looks a little unsteady!

No one’s calling the shots, Barbara! There’s another great cut from Shemyakina, blocked by Bat-Urion’s decidedly non-regulation shield!

Referee Bidness is slumped against a safety guard and appears to be giggling to himself. I think that martini really got to him! Keep filming, Barbara, I’m going to jump in and referee!

Well, that didn’t last long! Referee Bidness has his pants off! Security is chasing him around the hall! Looks like they’ve got him now!

Well, I don’t know what to make of this. I’m hearing from the judges now that they’re throwing out the bout. That seems fair! A shame about the martini incident; that was very un-Bidness-like.